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I have really had a hard week. I completely fell off the Jillian Michaels wagon. I made it a total of 4 days. I have had some not-so-healthy meals. I honestly don't know how I got to this:
I know it's only a loss of 0.4 but it's still a loss and not a gain like I fully expected it to be. (If you signed up for Erin's DietBet, you totally understand the random word above the scale!)
Sure, I have
reasons excuses. Like my daughter having a stomach bug which turned out to be mesenteric lymphadenitis which caused an ER trip that lasted until 3:00 am Monday morning. Or how about this one, after starting the 30 Day Shred, co-workers would ask why I was walking so stiffly and slowly because my legs burned so bad. So I quit because I really didn't want the extra attention I was creating for myself. Or maybe this one, my husband was home for the weekend and we went out to eat. That would have been fine, but the fried alligator, fried shrimp, fried catfish and rice & etouffe' wasn't the best choice, not to mention the blizzard from Dairy Queen on the way home. Here's another one for you, I have been so swamped at work that by 5:00, I am mentally exhausted and just want to go home, eat junk and go to bed.
I have let life get in the way of my goal. Instead of pushing through it, I have let it take hold of me and drag me down. Now, please understand that I know my week certainly wasn't as bad as it could've been and there are others that have it way worse than I do. But, I guess my point is that I have reached a place that I know all too well but never wanted to be at again. I'm at the point where it would be so much easier to give up. In the past, I would have quit and wouldn't have thought twice about it. That was the cycle, do good a few weeks, get discouraged, quit for several months, then start again. I think about how much simpler my days would be without worrying about what I ate or how much time I would save not having to enter my food in My Fitness Pal. And how much easier it would be to not have to arrange for childcare while I went to the gym plus the actual cost of the gym membership I could save each month. But then I think about how miserable I feel and how much I hate to see myself in the mirror. I think about what kind of example I am setting for my kids and wonder if they too will walk down this path later in life. I want to stop this up & down roller coaster of dieting and struggling with my weight and the food I eat. I want to feel confident and comfortable with my body. I know that it is up to me and no one else but me but it is such a hard, hard struggle for me. And I think there's a quote that says something like no one said it would be easy, but they promised it would be worth it. I know that I will be glad I did it. I know it will be worth it, I just have to get over this huge hurdle I'm at right now.